can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
