Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
that is very illegal...i love you.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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