I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
