No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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