dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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