duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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