I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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