oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
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look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
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Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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