Where did you get a picture of my penis
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
