im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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