i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
