Ketchup is God's man juice
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
These tits shall not be calmed
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
