just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
