So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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