I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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