I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
