So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
