I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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