I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
