I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
