the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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