I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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