can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
