I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
