hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
