If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
