I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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