Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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