That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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