Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
