My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
It's never too late to be topless.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
