spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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