He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
