It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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