i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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