Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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