did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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