On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
