He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
