I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
