i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
