You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
