pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
high people should be assigned attendants
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
