Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Randomize
