Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He passed out mid-signature
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
