I feel great
I just peed on a car
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
