I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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