So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
