there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Someone shit on the floor
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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