"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
