Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
