In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
