You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
