think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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