I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
