Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
