Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
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