I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
