Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
