You don't have asthma, your pregnant
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize