Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
