Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
