I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize